Postpartum, Fourth Trimester & Rebirth

Today marks the end of my pregnancy. Traditionally, the birthing of the placenta marks the end of one’s pregnancy. Three trimesters with baby in the womb/body. And then you are “supposed” to “bounce back.” The fourth trimester movement speaks to the very real final three months of pregnancy where you, as the birthing person, are still completing the cycle of birth, death and rebirth. ❤️
Yesterday marked three months since our baby Zaid Alim Khaliq was born. So much blood, sweat and tears have been shed in the last year. So much time of healing, crying and laughing. A time of transition into motherhood, deeper faith and deeper self love. This rebirth process has required me to surrender, to grieve, to seek truth. My Truth. 🧡
I am grateful for the grieving. Much of my pregnancy was this palpable presence of loosing something so dear to me. I am a wild child, an adventurer, very attached to my independence and spontaneity. I also felt the fear of my body changing into something i was told I didn’t want. Our toxic culture of beauty and pleasure looking and feeling a certain way that I have been swimming in my whole life told me I can’t still be sexy, free and kinky the way I was as a maiden. Well fuck misogyny and white supremacy!
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My body as a water vessel for new life has been life changing. Letting go of some internalized toxicity, being reborn with Zaid as a whole and loved being. Everyday I try to remind myself, “Damn Kenz, you’re so strong! So powerful! So beautiful!” Sending love to my curves, to my healing teared vulva, to my relentless body pain. I pray that we find pleasure in new, exciting and adventurous ways that I didn’t know were possible. My Truth is that loving and expressing myself, and allowing//accepting others being their True selves is divine and an act of devotion.

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Thank you to so many who supported me in this journey into parenthood. I thank God for the constant change and omens and blessings everyday as reminders of my faith. I thank Mujib for being the best birth and postpartum doula a person could ask for. Thank you for baring witnesses without any shame or judgment of my process. You are the answer to many prayers of a present, loving and co-conspiring father healing generations.
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Thank you to the land, the sun and the moon. Thank you to gravity, to the tides, to the physical and spiritual sustenance that you have provided us. Thank you to all seven of Zaid’s Grandmothers for your boundless love and support. Your love for us is extraordinary, uplifting and relieving.
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And so I pray everyday to my ancestors, to Zaid’s ancestors, to the next generation of movers and shakers::
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I rebel. I open. I surrender. I am divine. I am pleasure. 💧💧💦 And the transition is never over. Today feels triumphant, feels powerful, feels vulnerable, like an ending and a beginning. God is change.💜🔮🦄 @nckettlebells #octaviabutler @4thtribodies @stopcensoringmotherhood
#fourthtrimester #pleasureactivism